Cuties – A Review Wishing You a Successful Adolescence

Among the tasks we each face in adolescence: we try to find our individual identity, that of a former child on the path to becoming a uniquely human person. We distance ourselves to be distinct from family expectations. Yet we often succumb to social pressures, conforming to the behaviors of some peer group instead.

In short: successful adolescence emerges from being molded to familial expectations without being submerged in societal expectations.

Even shorter: successful adolescence is the process of learning to be you.

Many of us never get there (as evidenced by so much angry ignorance being spouted against a film by people who have admittedly never watched it).

In the film Cuties, our protagonist Ami is precocious in making this adolescent transition. She is aware at an earlier age of the damage inflicted by her family’s shallow adherence to the behaviors of their faith. That faith is portrayed as being exploited in order to exploit the women at the center of Ami’s home. But this no-longer-a-child accommodates better than the adults around her the resulting neglect, dysfunction, and shaming. Her efforts even force her to endure an examination for demonic influence, after which the local clergyman pronounces the accusation as unfounded.

Meanwhile, Ami seeks acceptance through conformity to a popular group of girls at school, mastering their juvenile dance moves, then mentoring them in furthering their ambitions: to reflect in their eleven-year-old performances the highly sexualized routines she finds online. The forces of peer pressure, entertainment industries, and social media are shown as constantly pushing the envelope, expanding the horizons, encroaching the boundaries, and trespassing the sensibilities of those who have gone before. It seems clear that all the girls are unaware of the message communicated by the gestures and postures they mimic…until Ami finally understands what others see her body saying.

Spoiler alert: Ami succeeds in the primary task of adolescence. She appears to recognize the same underlying pressures in both systems pulling at her. She not only withdraws from the peer pressure, she rejects the faith-exploiting ritual in which her family engages. And in doing so, she finds an ally to support her, though this occurs a generation later than the viewer might have hoped.

But have no doubts: Ami is a catalyst. Not just in reflecting the exploitation of her family’s faith. Not just in rejecting the sources of social patterning. But in reminding the viewer that we each have the opportunity to view and experience the world as a unique individual. To do so, we must separate from what our family tells us to be. We must separate from what society tells us to be. And we must certainly separate from the opinions of those willing to judge what they will not see.

"Forgive us our trespasses...."

 

As a photographer, I have found myself on the back side of “No Trespassing” signs. Frankly, I saw them only when the landowner pointed them out. But I have also stepped a little too far down an embankment and ruined my pants while saving the camera. I have turned an ankle edging just past the sidewalk’s curb. I have looked at images I helped create, and deleted them when I found a bit more in the frame than I’d seen through the viewfinder. I have deleted images in which the subject’s expression was deemed embarrassing. I have shot dozens of exposures, trying to catch the right moment, angle, light, and pose…only to delete them all as being something less than the art I sought to capture.

And, by letting my reach exceed my grasp, choosing to explore beyond others’ boundaries, and releasing my fear just as surely as I released the shutter, I have experienced the fulfilling joy of being an artist privileged to look (occasionally) at an image that surpasses my vision, my imagination, and my abilities. But it has meant accepting that I sometimes tread onto property that has never been only mine. I cross lines into what others are sure should be only theirs. And I have paid for that privilege and accepted those consequences.

When did you last dare to try something you didn’t already know how to do? What prevents you from investing yourself into finding, fulfilling, and finding fulfillment in the unique, divine talents that have been invested in you? Who told you that you shouldn’t waste your time, risk your security, push your limits, and be your self? Where is the nearest boundary to cross? How would it feel for you to stand up, to step forth, and to walk boldly into showing the rest of us what you can do…what you can be…in fact, what you are?

Why not join me in exploring beyond the boundaries?

It's time to admit it. #WeDoToo

Many in our society participate in, profit from, and perpetuate an injustice system that results in, and seems to require the routine killing of unarmed Black men and others. The outraged reactions to that system’s policies and practices are predictable in their escalation. Given the well-documented history of these events, we must admit that those who build, maintain, and expand that system create the conditions, and provoke these violently outraged reactions. What I wish I could deny, however, is that #WeDoToo.

Those who allow this clear cause-and-effect pattern to exact its cost primarily from minority communities, they bear the responsibility for choosing to benefit from oppression and exploitation. I believe that #WeDoToo.

When they choose not to change the system, but expand it instead, they support, condone, and continue all the parts of that system. And #WeDoToo.

This involves not only the oppression of minority communities, but also the widespread consequences of protests, riots, and looting, and in this most recent cycle, deadly violence against persons. Those who refuse to pursue alternatives escalate the outrage and its tragic expressions. And #WeDoToo.

For me, an essential step in changing the predictable patterns of this system is to admit that “I” am one of “them.” When people like me participate in, profit from, and perpetuate this injustice system, I feel compelled to admit that I truly do cause, support, condone, and escalate the violently outraged reactions to it. I cannot claim that it is about what “they” do, when I know that #WeDoToo.

As emotionally charged as we can be about our entrenched enjoyments, our bountiful benefits, and our eager exploitation of power and privilege built and maintained at the expense of others, when we recognize how “they” fulfill their role in this system, it seems long-past time to admit #WeDoToo.

 

That is the foundational admission that leads to change. Not that I and you can do this or that against each other. Not that we and they do this or that against one another. But that when we imagine that others behave in a way that brings greater damage than healing, we take the courageous step of admitting #WeDoToo.

Do you recognize now not only the injustice, but the terrible danger of supporting this system? Do you want to see an end to the routine killing of unarmed Black men and others? Or do you at least want to diminish the dangers of these violently outraged reactions to the treatment of our minority communities?

They do. And I think #WeDoToo.

In Praise of Boring Consistency

Today’s menu for the family Thanksgiving feast is largely the same as it is each year. Granted, as an ambitious amateur chef, the temptation is to make everything a little more special, add one little surprise dish, or at least find some clever new twist on the tradition of giving thanks around the table. (I’m sure there’s an app for that.) But the point of gathering for Thanksgiving dinner is not to focus attention on the table setting, the turkey recipe (Yes, some people use a recipe.), or the topics of conversation—so long as we avoid the known and obvious points of controversy.

This year, I am seeking to present the usual in as usual a manner as possible. I want to gratify the desire for a familiar family ritual that allows those in attendance to enjoy some excess, to appreciate our abundance, and to remember the security of routine amidst lives often overwhelmed by seemingly random chance.

For the inspiration to attempt this boring consistency, I am indebted to one of the more delightfully demented patients I see regularly. Over the months, she has become more and more aware that she knows me from somewhere. This is especially remarkable because some days she barely knows herself. Sometimes she remembers bits of her history, specific places and vague events, or images that almost give her a grasp on some story…yet not. Still, more and more, whether scheduled to see her, or greeting her on my way to or from other patients in the same facility in which she is a resident, she knows that she knows me.

She doesn’t remember my name—not even from moment to moment in the same visit. She sometimes wonders where she knows me from, because she is sure she’s never been here before (“here” being a facility that has been her home for years). And she does, at times, ask why I am bothering her when all she wants to do is get back to her nap, whether she’d been sleeping or not when I arrived.

But the other day she knew it was me, whoever she thought I was, from across the common area in the facility. She recognized me as someone she knew, even with my back turned, as I was speaking to care staff. Granted, there’s not much I can do with my hair (what little remains). I used to experiment with the length of my beard. And varying my fashion sense to fit popular trends was actually a thing, once upon (too long) a time.

Yet whenever I see patients, I dress the same: button-down collared shirt, sweater vest, and a sport coat. I keep my beard trimmed in the same length and shape. And I try to greet the patient identically at each visit. The familiarity helps, even with patients who have full command of their mental faculties, but especially with those whose shifting perceptions can be disorienting on their best days.

Why is this so important? For the same reasons as I am seeking a boring consistency with Thanksgiving dinner today.

I want the focus to be on the people, the relationships, and the secure sameness we celebrate while living lives that sometimes shift and spiral in directions we cannot anticipate. Whether those lives seem a little random, or get increasingly chaotic, or deteriorate into the dauntingly disappointing, disorienting, and dysfunctional depths to which we all sometimes sink…my prayer for each of us today is that we find some sense of sameness, that we recognize the reality of regular routines, and that we celebrate the security we feel from the familiar, even if only in a fleeting detail or two.

Thankful for the consistent love of God, despite my frequently faltering faithfulness, I pray that my boring consistency helps make me more effective as…

Your servant for Jesus’ sake (II Corinthians 4:5),

Wm. Darius (Bill) Myers

“To Strive, or Not To Strive. That Is the Question.” – Part Two: Do I Dare Face Off against Myself?

Reading the apparent contrasts in the lists of scriptures I quoted in part one, you may already have asked these questions: “Does scripture contradict itself in what it demands of us?” and, “Isn’t this just another example of how the Bible can be made to say whatever we want?” Before considering how to reconcile the two lists, be sure to recognize the importance of considering them together. Otherwise, we easily fall into the trap of selectively listening to God’s word, or simply disregarding it altogether.

To the first question, “Does scripture contradict itself?” I would answer No. God’s word points us consistently in the same direction. But that’s why it is essential that it be taken in its entirety, with each passage carefully examined for its context as well as its content. In fact, as you read the verses I am struggling with, you may already have said to yourself: “that’s not what God means in those verses,” or at least “why isn’t he considering passages that address that topic more fully?”

That’s also why I would also answer the second question, “No.” My overactive anxieties and depression are tempting me to grasp at disconnected segments of the whole, making the Bible say what I do not want. The underlying temptation in this leads me to consider a disastrous sin: that I would give up on hearing from God and embark impulsively on whatever the path of least resistance seems to be at the moment. (For an example of how the enemy of our souls tries to use scripture to twist us to his plan, consider the third ploy he offers in the wilderness temptation of Christ. Luke 4:9-11.)

All of this contemplation of potential contradictions leads me to welcome the two-fold wisdom found in more direct comparisons like Proverbs 13:4, “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, But the soul of the diligent is made fat.”

If I crave anything in this season of my life, it is that I crave those few days which require no expenditures. I cannot buy even the most basic groceries without calculating the percentage of their effect on our remaining bank balance. The greater challenge is to remain diligent in those things to which the Lord calls me, despite the fact that none of them provide income. Chaplaincies at Hospice and the Community Food Pantry, counseling for the hospital, substitute instructing for the seminary, and assisting in a classroom at the elementary school all fall under the same heading: organizations to which my services were once generously provided by the church that no longer pays me a salary. Only my work toward establishing a counseling center at the church we are attending hold the potential for someday providing an income.

But despite the sense of obligation without remuneration, there is this blessing in all of those organizations: They provide me with opportunities to remain diligent in the service described in Hebrews 6:10-12.

Hebrews 6:10–12 For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. 11 And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, 12 so that you will not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Not sluggish, but diligent. And yet not desperately striving, but accepting of God’s timing, call, promise, and provision. The both of these can be balanced together even as I seek diligently to be and do as God has called me, even as I wait patiently for Him to tie some portion of those activities to a paycheck…perhaps.

“To Strive, or Not To Strive. That Is the Question.” – Part One: Do the Scriptures Face Off against Themselves?

On this Monday morning, I'm contemplating concepts that are a little deeper than my headache would prefer. But there are two sets of scriptures I'm trying to reconcile into my actual action plan for the day, week, and month ahead.

One set of scriptures fuels the motivation to placidly await the revelation of God’s will, and work only at finding, fulfilling, and finding my fulfillment in that which He has called me to be and to do. This set includes verses like Psalm 23:1-3, Psalm 46:10, Isaiah 40:31 and, of course, Matthew 11:28.

Psalm 23:1–3 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.

Psalm 46:10 “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Patience is never easy for me in the best of times, but especially when I am being tempted to "stop waiting, start striving, get to work, and make something happen." Given multiple examples in my own life, though,I should have learned long ago not to race on ahead of the Lord’s instruction and timing, as though I somehow could reach His destination by plotting my own course.

In the past, my tendency to define, chart, and manufacture my own circumstances has led me to unfortunate decisions and desperate situations. The passages above do help me to resist the impulse to run from the peace and quiet in which God speaks, to avoid filling my schedule with random appointments, and especially to stop calculating where and how I might best “monetize” my skills and experiences regardless of what God calls me to be and do.

When the urge strikes to blindly plunge ahead, compelling me to at least stew over the many options I can imagine becoming profitable, I selectively recall another set of scriptures. These others provoke my impatience still further with verses like Proverbs 6:6-11, Proverbs 24:30-34, and II Thessalonians 3:10.

Proverbs 6:6–11 Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise, 7 Which, having no chief, Officer or ruler, 8 Prepares her food in the summer And gathers her provision in the harvest. 9 How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 10 “A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest”— 11 Your poverty will come in like a vagabond And your need like an armed man.

Proverbs 24:30–34 I passed by the field of the sluggard And by the vineyard of the man lacking sense, 31 And behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles; Its surface was covered with nettles, And its stone wall was broken down. 32 When I saw, I reflected upon it; I looked, and received instruction. 33 “A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest,” 34 Then your poverty will come as a robber And your want like an armed man.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.

Part Two will appear here soon. For now, consider which set of scriptures draws your attention most often. Are you more likely to lie down, to cease striving, to wait, and to rest? Or are you found more regularly gathering and preparing, clearing and cleaning, and working so as to ensure your food supply? And, if you can identify which list most describes you, then which aspects of the opposite list might be needed in order to bring greater balance to your life?

192 Months, to the Very Day: I Quit

To my beloved brothers and sisters, and friends of The Glenburn Community Church:

Still a light.

There is so much that I would like to say about the past sixteen years since I began serving as the pastor of The Glenburn Community Church. But many of those blessings are still obscured by the pain of these past five months. The blessings have not disappeared, however. The joy and privilege of having served at Glenburn will remain a part of me forever. And those blessings will again become clearer, I believe, as I bring my role in prolonging this pain to an end.

Since August 15, I have tried to serve in as pastorally a fashion as possible, while still adhering to the restrictions placed on me by our board of trustees. I have (more often than not—but I have had some dark moments) sought to answer, “What would Jesus have me do?” and bring as redemptive an outcome as possible for all concerned. In doing so, I have had two major motivations.

"Good fences make good neighbors"?
Robert Frost didn't think so.

First, I had hoped to communicate my own repentance, whether there could be any forgiveness or not. Especially with the addition of false accusations, I longed to offer clarification as well as confession. But I remained bound by having been placed on “administrative leave” and instructed not to initiate contact with any members of the Glenburn congregation. My subsequent request to address the congregation more formally was denied. And so, I have complied with this limitation until today. (Let me add here that I have been very grateful for those who have chosen to initiate contact with Shelly and me. We have greatly needed and appreciated your support.)

My second motivation is more difficult to describe without unfairly and unnecessarily disparaging the board of trustees. I cannot imagine the difficulty they faced in responding to the reports they received. It is perhaps my own ego that suggests that communicating with me might have helped them to avoid the missteps that unfortunately complicated the legalities of the situation. But those entanglements occurred, nonetheless. I take solace in the hope that the contradictory claims and accusations made were the result of miscommunication between the board and their lawyer, rather than originating in intentional misrepresentations of the facts. Still, I have been motivated as your pastor to hold our board accountable for the unscriptural, unethical, and illegal actions taken. But those efforts end today.

Resignation: when the remaining moves
merely postpone the inevitable.

Attempts to have The Glenburn Community Church legally terminate my employment have been ineffective. Therefore, I am resigning from my role as your pastor. I do so, not because I am weary of the horrific process of communicating through multiple lawyers with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Nor am I motivated by impatience in wanting to resume communication and perhaps restore our relationships. (That may be, in fact, impossible.) I would like to believe, however, that I would persevere in my responsibilities toward you, even if the mental and emotional stress of responding to conflicting claims and accusations were redoubled. Finally, I have delayed this decision because, as all of you know, I simply am a pastor to anyone I have opportunity to serve. Excluding you from my love and care is, indeed, impossible.

I will continue to pray for God’s best blessings to abound to you and yours. But I remain convinced that doing what is right and good must first be grounded in what is true. And so, given the complicated structure of our state’s legal system, I face a scriptural quandary that prevents me from serving you further. I have condensed the theology of it as best I can in the paragraph below.

Stalemate: when there are
no further moves possible.

Romans 13 requires our submission to legal authorities. The authority governing employment law is the Labor Commissioner. But the focus of the Labor Commissioner does not differentiate between the board of trustees and the rest of the church as part of a California not-for-profit religious corporation. Therefore, the substantial financial penalties would be enforced against the church, with no recourse to the errors-and-omissions insurance that would otherwise cover the board’s actions. This is where the quandary arises. In order to rectify the board’s violations of our bylaws and my contract, without harming the church financially, it would be necessary to file a lawsuit against the board. Not all would agree, but I believe that I Corinthians 6 prohibits me from doing so. (For those familiar with the passage and organizations like Peacemakers: the board declined the offers of two Christian mediators toward reconciling these issues.)

As concerned as I am for the future of our congregation, and for the impact of my own sin and these subsequent events on the testimony of the body of Christ, I am at an impasse. In seeking what is true, and right, and good, I entrust you to the care of our Lord and Savior, and whomever else He may call to serve His purposes at Glenburn in the future. May His grace and mercy reign.

Still your servant for Jesus’ sake (II Corinthians 4:5),

Bill

Rev. Wm. Darius Myers, DMin, CT