High Expectations; Heavy Disappointment

Not the image I saw in my head.
But the best we could get,
given the weather conditions we had.

   High expectations result in heavy disappointment.

    As a perfectionist, and an anti-multi-tasker, I have a strong aversion to leaving things undone, incomplete, or even just temporarily in need of a little more time and attention. The result, sometimes, is that I’m left feeling like I’ve failed, when what is really true is that I’ve done all that I can, with the time I have, as well as possible, and then moved on to do something similar, however imperfectly, for the next patient, family member, caregiver, or colleague.

    In those times when it seems like I’m never enough, and never good enough, available enough, focused enough, smart enough, skilled enough, experienced enough…

    I try to remember that it’s my high expectations that result in heavy disappointment.

View from the third floor - 
promising little bench.
View from the bench - 
big tall bush and some
buildings across the inlet.

    With that in mind, here’s “If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking” by Emily Dickinson.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

 

     We can’t eradicate anyone’s grief. We might, for a moment, alleviate a patient’s pain. But if that patient has been appropriately admitted, there’s a good chance we’re never going to set them back into the familiarity of their former circumstances.

    Still, we do help. Often immensely. Usually more than we could possibly know.

    So, we keep at it. 

    And accept that it is never in vain. 

    No matter how inadequate we may occasionally feel.

"You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you might find, 
you get what you need." Had to go back inside to get the big lens for this shot. But by the time I was laying on my back in the driveway, the cloud cover had moved
out of position. But this is what it looked like when I left to go inside.
And, since I did finally figure out how to make my editing software work
in Windows 11, I was able to recreate in post-processing what I was too slow
to capture by laying on 40-degree concrete at 0645 on a morning in November, 2022.
(Still love this shot, though.)

No Resolutions, Just Resolve

 

"I'm in my prime."

[The following is the Devotional/Reflection for the InterDisciplinary Group meeting of Bridge Hospice Central Coast - Tue 01/03/2023.]

Some Thoughts upon the Occasion of Another New Year:

Legend has it that at the trial condemning him to death Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

 While I believe that’s true, some of us, especially those of us with anxiety disorders of various types, have found that “analysis brings paralysis.” It’s possible for any of us to spend all of our time examining life, and hesitate to make decisions, take action, and live our lives.

I think that’s what the 14^th Century Zen priest Mumon Gensen was getting at when he wrote:

“Life is like a cloud of mist

Emerging from a mountain cave,

And death

A floating moon

In its celestial course.

If you think too much

About the meaning they may have,

You’ll be bound forever

Like an ass to a stake.”

From the sound of a conversation in the movie Tombstone, I think Doc Holliday would agree. He’s on his death-bed in a sanitarium at Glenwood Springs, Colorado. During one of their frequent visits, he asks his friend Wyatt Earp, “What did you ever want?” Earp’s reply: “Just to live a normal life.” Holliday scoffs at the idea, saying, “There’s no normal life, Wyatt. It’s just life. Get on with it.”

I’m not keen on resolutions. But I do think the first week of a New Year is a good time to consider where we want to be by the end of next December. Just don’t think about it too long. Examine your circumstances. Make your decisions. And get on with it: Life your life.