tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post789538846381958721..comments2019-01-29T16:34:54.398-08:00Comments on Death Pastor: No Apologies, Part One – Why you should say No to those who say they’re sorry.Wm. Darius Myershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00343705324859085642noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post-45310476173728417672015-08-19T07:55:16.930-07:002015-08-19T07:55:16.930-07:00Thank you all for your comments. Part Two is now a...Thank you all for your comments. Part Two is now available, and I hope that it, too, may prompt a similar consideration of how much deeper our relationships could be.Wm. Darius Myershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00343705324859085642noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post-40735784071364147882015-08-07T14:00:10.217-07:002015-08-07T14:00:10.217-07:00Wow, Bill. I'm thinking you have some persona...Wow, Bill. I'm thinking you have some personal experience with non-apologetic pseudo-apologies in situations where real apologies were warranted. :)<br /><br />I had a decades-long, very close relationship with a person who initially recognized personal behaviors that desperately needed growth and change. This person would "apologize" frequently via self-deprecation and would promise to change. Over time, however, the stance changed to "this is the way I am, deal with it." I really tried to do exactly that. I blamed myself for not being more forgiving toward this person. I blamed myself for my inability to accommodate this person's behavior without being hurt. I finally came to the point where I told this dearly beloved person that I was going to choose to set some boundaries in regard to their behavior. I acknowledged that my decision to set boundaries was going to change the dynamics of our relationship. However, I made it clear that I regarded our relationship as sacred and would continue to love this person. This person soon decided that the new dynamics brought about by the establishment of boundaries were unacceptable and thus chose to remove from the relationship. <br /><br />We are now divorced. <br /><br />Apologies are often used for self-protection or self-preservation. The athlete or celebrity who issues an apology after saying something stupid is usually trying to lessen the impact on their financial resources. Often apologies are used in relationships as a "get out of jail free" card or crying "parlay" in the pirate code. It is supposed to halt all consequences of one's actions immediately without actual honest repentance, dialog, and useful forgiveness. True apologies are reparative. They are relational. They are focused on our personal behavior and its effect on the other, requiring us to understand as best we can the experience of the other. <br /><br />I'm looking forward to your follow-up. TriMet is Hiringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00059557792874803015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post-23069304526048277172015-08-07T07:09:09.816-07:002015-08-07T07:09:09.816-07:00Thank you so much Bill for going over an area that...Thank you so much Bill for going over an area that needs the repentance of God and not "I am sorry." That statement does get overused and there is no repentance or desire to turn away from the problem. It is also an excuse to do irreligious behavior. Thanks brother, I look forward to part two.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post-83890816081465181072015-08-05T22:59:49.483-07:002015-08-05T22:59:49.483-07:00Bill, I must apologize for not reading your blog e...Bill, I must apologize for not reading your blog earlier and pre-apologize for anything in this comment that might offend you in any way, shape, form or matter. However, I take no responsibility for anything that might offend you in the response, and trust you will not ever bring it up again or at all! Seriously, I could feel your angst and passion in this blog, and there certainly is much merit in what you have written. I trust I will think before giving my own trite apologies in the future. I look forward to part deux!nschaakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10644960891389439454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2920507061982445623.post-1388018728406571482015-08-04T10:42:19.133-07:002015-08-04T10:42:19.133-07:00Bill,
wow, I SO AGREE! I am so tired of those who ...Bill,<br />wow, I SO AGREE! I am so tired of those who say, "I'm sorry...but..." and when they finish and I walk away, I feel like nothing was ever truly said nor an apology truly offered! This happens all the time. I can't wait to hear part TWO. But I will say that for me one of the most life-changing principles in my own life is when in an effort to seek forgiveness from another because of my OWN sin, I was taught that there are seven special words needed and NO MORE. I remember thinking..."What? It can't be that simple can it?" But it is...and it comes from Ken Sande's book, "Peacemakers". He says that we go to the person without negative behavioral cues of any kind, no ifs, ands or buts and simply say, "I was wrong, will you forgive me?" Trust me when I say these words shifted my own approach as well as my heart attitudes and it often, (not always) shifted the hearts of whom I have offered these words. I have even watched these seven words change marital relationships, praise God. So, yes, do not except "fake" apologies. I suggest we offer these seven words often as an example to others!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com